Thanks, Grumpy!

Posted on May 9, 2013 by Nudge

Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Grumpy and sleepy, I crashed around the apartment looking for reasons to grumble. I ate a good breakfast and then gobbled down toasted white bread slathered with peanut butter. Would have had a good of real coffee if I kept it anymore, had two cups of decaf instead.

Wished I didn’t have to get down to business on a project. Told myself there was no point in starting the next step because my houseguest would be up soon and I’d need to make her breakfast. Continued to distract myself with aimless internet “research” and compulsive email checking. Felt crummy and slightly nauseated. Then I remembered.

Most mornings I start the day writing a list of ten things for which I feel grateful and note why. Today I rushed to put the garbage out instead. I stopped flailing about and sat down with my notebook. Began listing those 10 things, read the list aloud and said thank you for each item. Meant it.

Now back to the project that I’m grateful to have. Who knew that gratitude could overcome procrastination too!

A Small but Mighty Nudge (Self Administered)

Posted on December 10, 2012 by Nudge

We’ve all had them–those moments of self-doubt that undermine our confidence and leave us feeling like imposters. When we wonder what on earth we were thinking when we decided to try that new something or other. What to do?

Simple. Change how you are standing or sitting for two minutes. Really, just two minutes of striking an expansive posture will lower your stress and elevate your sense of power. Make like Wonder Woman…you know how. Stand tall with your feet wide apart, hands on hips, head high. Now breathe, wait two minutes, and then proceed with your day.

If you’re in a meeting and want to boost your sense of confidence (I know you know this too–job interview anyone?). Sit back, uncross those legs and arms, put your feet flat on the floor, take up more space and you’ll enjoy the same effect. Even better, before going into a stressful situation, duck into the bathroom or nearest phone booth (oh oh, where have they gone?) and become your favourite super hero for two minutes, then carry on with increased self-assurance. (In my case, drive on wintery roads calmly instead of screaming don’t make me while clinging to the doorframe!)

Honestly, that’s all there is to it. All you need is two minutes and some private space. So give it a whirl and let me know how it’s worked for you.

Interested in the science behind this? Click Amy Cuddy

Shall We Dance?

Posted on May 30, 2012 by Nudge

“I just want to surround myself with happy, positive people”. I’ve said this sentence many times over the past few years, and have heard it echoed in conversations with friends too. And it sounds reasonable enough. After all, who wants to be surrounded by a bunch of negative sad sacks? Nobody I know.

But deeper reflection has shifted my perspective. For the first time I sense some fear lurking below those words. What are we really saying? Could it be that we are leery of an encounter that might create a squirmy sensation? Are we concerned that we can’t cope with emotions that fall outside the scope of perky?

What are the consequences if we try to restrict our exposure to the diversity of human expression? Where does the friend who’s been bereaved fit in? Grief isn’t terribly cheerful. How do we relate to the person grappling with a challenge that we know will spur them on to greater things if they can just get through the groan zone? Turn away because they’re tired and a tad discouraged? What about the contrarians who always manage to challenge our entrenched ways of thinking, irritating as they can be?

I’ve decided to hit the eject button on this particular point of view. Now it feels limiting and flat, rather like saying, I only want to be comfortable. Life is rich and presents us with so many scenarios, some of which are anything but idyllic.

Now I don’t mean we should push ourselves out on unstable emotional ledges or that we shouldn’t try to discern what supports us in creating a healthy, fulfilling life. I don’t advocate hanging out with bullies or people who we know bring us down for one reason or another. I do mean that expanding our willingness to step out with greater curiosity and more confidence in our ability to handle what emerges can enrich our lives. What if we embraced it all–the pleasure, the vicissitudes, the euphoria, the boredom, the serenity, the laughter and silliness, the earnest effort, the empathy for others, the attraction, the confusion, the challenges, the passion, the fun… You get the picture. What if we cultivated the grace and equanimity, strength, capacity, and resilience to dance with it all? What might be revealed?

So, shall we waltz, tango, shuffle, jive, hustle, foxtrot, boogie, cha cha, skip, samba, two step…

Retreat!

Posted on May 2, 2012 by Nudge

Although I’m a solution focused coach who likes to see progress and things moving forward, I’ve learned that sometimes we need to retreat. Step back, step off, step away!

It’s good to do what’s required, to meet our responsibilities to others, to feel competent and productive. It’s equally good to meet our responsibilities to ourselves, to feel the depth of our feelings and hear our own thoughts.

Moving through this latest life transition, has kept me busy. I’ve had to find a new home and make it mine, create a new workspace, continue to relate to family and friends, and keep the business going. I’ve been doing it all and doing it well while dealing with the intense emotions associated with starting life in a new direction. Then…

I hit a wall of fatigue and sorrow brought on by all the things that have happened over the past couple of years. I felt fragile, broken down. I simply couldn’t will myself to keep going at the usual pace any more. I expressed my frustration to dear friends who repeated the same message. Honour what’s happened. Take your time, take some space.

I did just that and retreated. Focused on what was most important, asked for help with tasks that were less critical, dropped the things that didn’t matter. As I reflected, I realized that I was broken open. Broken open to experience life differently, more profoundly, and more compassionately. It hasn’t been easy and it isn’t all over, but this retreat has moved me towards strength and resilience in a way that making myself “just do it” would have never accomplished.

As my energy and sense of well being returns, I’m taking it more slowly and more mindfully. I’m relishing the quiet moments, counting my blessings, letting in the love and support of all the dear people in my life. No longer broken, I’m on the mend, returning home to myself in ways I never dreamt possible. Moving forward again, but this time less frantically, more deliberately as I put all the essential elements back into my life. And I still take some time each day to continue the retreat, just for a little while.

A Shove, Not a Nudge!

Posted on March 7, 2012 by Nudge

I’m getting ready for another visit to my dear West Coast Family. I always love to see them, but this trip feels particularly special. My Ontario Sister and Octogenarian Father will be joining us too. I have a milestone birthday this month and we’re inaugurating Birthday Season.

Entering a new decade always intrigues me, but beginning my sixth one is particularly provocative. Suddenly, I’m in the classification of “young old” and there is no denying that the years before me are shorter in number than those I’ve lived. My physical self is a little less resilient and a sleepless night much harder to hide! I’ve noticed something else.

When life gives me a giant shove, I respond differently. A part of me stands apart from whatever drama is unfolding. No matter what is happening around me, to me, or for me, I stand firm in some part of myself. I’m not sure when or how that happened, but it does amaze me and I’m grateful for it.

This past week has been tumultuous like few I’ve ever experienced. I’ve broken my personal record for non-stop crying and put all but non-essential activities on hold, including this blog. I’ve dived right in to the pain of my experience and stayed with it instead of running away. And throughout these difficult days, part of me understands unequivocally that I’m okay. That this too shall pass. That a new adventure beckons.

So I stand on the verge of my 60^th birthday slightly battered, but still standing tall, well, as tall as you can when you’re 5 foot 3!

Musical Nudging

Posted on February 17, 2012 by Nudge

Today the weather is amazing for mid-February. I already have spring fever! It’s the kind of day when I reconnect to my inner 3 year old as I struggle to stay focused on completing a few more items on the to do list. I pace, open all of the windows to let in sun and soft, fresh air, then turn reluctantly to my laptop and the project list.

I take a deep breath and ask myself, “Why is it that I do what I do? Who benefits from it? What’s the value?”. Blank…

Desperate times call for clear measures. Out come the earplugs, up pops the playlist that always gets me going, lets one part of my brain dance while the another plays with words and images and ideas. My perception shifts–drudgery turns into delight. What can I say, music lights me up.

So by heeding my heart intelligence, I reconnect with my brain and my spirit sings while whispering ideas in my ears.

When you know that it’s going to take some serious nudging to get into the groove, who or what do you tune in to?

Nudging Through Winter

Posted on February 8, 2012 by Nudge

I just got back from 5 days in Vancouver. The weather was glorious, sunny and warm, the air soft. Pale green sprouts peeked out of the ground. Snowy white mountain caps glowed against blue sky. People reveled in the respite from winter rains, enjoying outdoor patios and decks, cycling, running, strolling, hanging out with their children, their dogs, their friends.

Coming home to a harsher landscape is always a bit of a shock. Although the winter has been milder than usual, the ground is white, not green. The trees are bare, the air is dry, and the flowers are all hiding beneath the frozen ground. “Why’d you come back?” is the most common refrain I hear whenever I return. After making the usual jokes about being slightly deranged, I quip, “Chilly weather, warm people”. For me it’s true–even on the bitterest of days, those connections with others nudge me along through cold winter months.

Small breaks change my point of view. I relish different surroundings, novel experiences, new people, and reconnecting with my dear west coast family. And I love to come back to our home overlooking the river valley. Day to day life, although often quite ordinary, is precious. I’m grateful for good health, treasured friends, my prairie family, meaningful work, bright blue sky, and brilliant sun, although I do wish the wind wasn’t quite so cold!

What do you love to come home to?

Thanks!

Posted on January 30, 2012 by Nudge

Many people have been in touch since Nudge went live, which has been great fun. Thanks to everyone who’s taken a moment to connect, send encouraging words, and nudge me back with helpful suggestions. I love hearing from you.

Five Ways to Nudge Yourself Forward

Posted on January 25, 2012 by Nudge

Well I’ve finally launched the Nudge website! I don’t know who is more relieved, me or my nearest and dearest, who’ve heard a fair amount of moaning about the whole enterprise. Funny how putting together something that’s so commonplace these days can feel like a very big deal when you’re the one who has to do it!

Isn’t that often what happens? We’re compelled to do something new, enticed by limitless possibilities and the initial excitement pulls us forward. We make our plans and start to work on them. Then suddenly, the thoughts pop up. This is awfully hard. I don’t really have the time to do this. I can’t possibly pull this off. What was I thinking? Nobody will find this site among the trillions already out there…

Facing those beliefs and the squirmy feelings that they provoke is a tough part of any creative process, but unless we have the courage to acknowledge and then challenge them, we don’t make any progress. I used everything I could think of to get through that phase and it wasn’t elegant, pretty, or graceful.

So what did I do?

Took long walks to release tension (also a useful procrastination technique)
Whined and complained (I was outstanding at this)
Kept working on it even when I didn’t want to (well, mostly)
Worked with a compassionate coach to help me challenge those sabotaging gremlins (I really did, this isn’t just a plug for coaching!)
Drank Scotch occasionally (occasional is a relative term, right?)

I nudged myself along bit by bit until I was done. So, do tell — in the comment section below–what do you do to move yourself forward when the going gets tough?